Moving beyond the mirror: practical steps to body neutrality
In our culture, we are often told that the antidote to body dissatisfaction is "body positivity." We are told we should look in the mirror and love every "imperfection." But for many of my clients, that jump feels too big. It feels dishonest. Body Positivity movement, while well intentioned, still emphasizes looks, appearance and an external eye looking at our bodies. In another article I will dive into the roots of appearance driven behaviors in our society.
If you are struggling with body image distress, I want to offer you a different path: Body Neutrality.
Body neutrality isn't about loving how you look; it’s about reducing the importance of how you look. It is the belief that your body is a vessel for your life, rather than a project to be constantly fixed or a masterpiece to be displayed. It does not mean that you don't care either about your appearance. But it means your looks, size and appearance dont dictate how you feel, dont limit your life. It means not letting your body shape or size influence how you live your life because you know deeply you are worthy of care.
Here are practical, therapist-vetted steps to help you shift your focus away from the mirror and back toward your life.
1. Shift Your Internal Vocabulary
The way we speak to ourselves shapes our reality. When you catch yourself using judgmental language, try to pivot to neutral, factual observations.
Instead of: "My legs are so thick and gross."
Try: "My legs are strong enough to carry me to the kitchen."
Instead of: "I hate how my skin looks today."
Try: "My skin is an organ that protects me from the environment."
Tip: You don't have to jump to "I love my legs." Just aim for "I have legs." Neutrality is the goal.
It might feel a little “fake” at first but stick with it for a week and see how that feels. What’s the worst that could happen?
2. Practice "Digital Hygiene"
We are often unaware of how much our social media feeds fuel our distress. If you find yourself constantly comparing your "behind-the-scenes" to someone else’s "highlight reel," it’s time for a boundary.
Unfollow or Mute: Any account that makes you feel like your body is a problem to be solved.
Diversify: Follow accounts that focus on hobbies, nature, science, or art, things that have nothing to do with human aesthetics. I personally love watching dogs accounts.
Set Limits: Notice if "doom-scrolling" correlates with increased body checking (looking in the mirror, pinching skin, etc.). Notice if you feel worse about yourself after 20 or 2h glued to your phone. Leave your phone on the other side of a room so its not handy to look at it.
Curating your social media feed to your values will support your wellbeing and nourish your self-worth. In another article, I'll share more about the importance of values for our mental health.
3. Focus on Function Over Form
Body image distress lives in the "observer" perspective: viewing yourself from the outside in. To combat this, try to move into the "experiencer" perspective.
Engage in "Joyful Movement" that isn't about burning calories or changing your shape. Ask yourself:
How do my lungs feel when I take a deep breath?
How does the sun feel on my arms?
How does it feel to stretch after a long day of work?
4. Decouple Worth from Appearance
We live in an appearance-obsessed world, but your value as a human being has zero correlation with your weight, height, your skin texture, or your clothing size.
To rebuild your self-worth, try making a "Non-Physical Identity" list. Write down five things you value about yourself that have nothing to do with your body. For example:
I am a reliable friend.
I am a curious learner.
I have a great sense of humor.
I am a resilient problem-solver.
How Therapy Can Support Your Journey
While these steps are powerful, body image distress often has deep roots that are difficult to untangle on your own. You don’t have to navigate this transition in isolation. Here is how working with a therapist like myself can help:
Identifying the "Why": Together, we can look beneath the surface of the "body thoughts" to understand where they started. Is it tied to past trauma, family dynamics, or societal pressure? Understanding the source is often the first step to letting go.
Externalizing the Inner Critic: In our sessions, we work to separate you from that harsh internal voice. We treat that critic as an external force we can observe and challenge, rather than an absolute truth. My favorite work is understanding how this “inner critic” has been trying to protect you in a way. Even this part of you deserves some compassion!
Personalized Coping Tools: No two bodies or stories are the same. I help you build a "toolbox" of specific grounding techniques and cognitive reframing exercises that work for your specific triggers and lifestyle.
A Safe Space for "Ugly" Feelings: It is okay to be frustrated, angry, or sad about your body. Therapy provides a non-judgmental container where you can express these feelings without the pressure to "just be positive."
The Path Forward
Moving toward body neutrality is a practice, not a destination. There will be days when the old thoughts return, and that’s okay. The goal isn't to never have a negative thought again: the goal is to reach a place where those thoughts no longer have the power to ruin your day. You can witness the thought and move on with your life. If you want to know more about how working with me looks like, book a free consultation now. I would be honored to support you on this voyage.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this post is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding your specific health needs.
